Tomorrow For Sure

 

 

 

 

 

 

-65 million years b.c ~ December 22

Me am An-Dee. Ooga booga!

An-Dee likes mud animal drawing.
Me would draw scary meow meows and big green friend eaters.
An-Dee likes making clothes.
Me would make for girls 2 piece fur. 1 piece fur so stone age.

An-Dee also likes Ni-Kee. Ooga booga!
Ni-Kee is girl in tribe.
Ni-Kee is girl but not like other girls.
Ni-Kee not as furry as other girls.
An-Dee think Ni-Kee pretty like girl but fun like man.
Ni-Kee like doing man stuff like yelling and kick rocks
but can do girl stuff too like smiling and not talking.
An-Dee talk to Ni-Kee about everything.
Me like making Ni-Kee laugh because Ni-Kee have funny laugh.
Yes…Ni-Kee is the dino dunga.

Me want Ni-Kee a lot. Oooga…..booga.
But then again every man in tribe want Ni-Kee.
An-Dee think Ni-Kee deserve man who make Ni-Kee happy.

Man with big cave.
An-Dee wish he had big cave that come with indoor fire for Ni-Kee
but me have small cave and have to share fire outside.

Man with lots of fur.
Girl likes man with lots of fur. An-Dee barely has any.
Many think An-Dee is girl sometime.
Man with muscle and a big stick.
Ni-Kee need big strong man that can protect Ni-Kee from big green friend eaters.
An-Dee too small to go hunting. Other men
in tribe laugh at An-Dee because he only man that gather fruit with girls.

But An-Dee determined! OOGA DUNGA BOOGA!
An-Dee will gather and sell more fruit to buy new big cave for Ni-Kee!
One with indoor fire and sand floor instead of dirt and come with  big  HD stone wall.

An-Dee will grow big and kill big green friend eaters one day.
But for now me will start with small green plant eaters that cant fight back.
Me will make Ni-Kee happy.  Booga booga.
An-Dee will…for sure tomorrow.

Oh look. An-Dee see giant pretty fireball in sky coming closer. Ooga booga!

 

 

 

 

 

-December 2009

For Nicole,

I don’t have much longer to live and I’m ok with that.

I’m ok with living only 20 years even though 13 were spent in school, 6 were wasted on sleeping, and only 1 knowing you.

I’m ok with accomplishing nothing in this life. I no longer have that desire to cement my legacy since its irrelevant at this point what others think of me, only you.

My only regret is that I couldn’t tell you how I felt and It wasn’t because I was afraid to tell you because I feared the outcome.  That was the last thing on my mind since the risk of you turning me down compared to the possibility of you being mine is outweighed at roughly a million to one. It was the fear of complicating your life…disrupting the cherished relationships with those around you all caused by a boys feelings.

Oh but I should’ve. When I think back on my life and with people in general…we spend so much of our lives speaking in codes that we can’t even remember an instant when we were actually honest with ourselves.  And we try our best to be careful, but words can be so confusing when we’re trying be careful.  So we show our feelings with body language or send hints and mixed messages but the only real honest part we ever had was our eyes.  And whenever my eyes made contact with yours I think you should’ve known that I adored you.

I wanted to tell you that you are beautiful.

I like your smile. And I like imagining what your smile would look like with my hand cupping your cheek.

You look retarded when you’re laughing and you’re usually laughing when I look at you, but I didn’t mind.  I thought it was sexy…retarded sexy.

You have this carefree spirit that I admire and wish I had.  A chameleon, you’re able to blend with the rest and just go with the flow but can suddenly transform into a peacock at any moment when you feel like standing out. I on the other hand am a raccoon, always seen with a pair of dark circles because I care about what others think of me so much.

If you were mine I would never try to tame your spirit because it is what makes you you. I’d let you run free until you missed me enough to come back on your own terms.

I sometimes like to entertain myself with the thought of what our relationship would be like.  We would go on romantic but not cheesy dates.
Fancy dinners, movies, bowling, etc.  The activity wouldn’t matter to me, it was the time we spent after it was over.  It would be late, we would be leaning on each other against my car parked in front of your place.  You would be allowed to have your arms around my neck or if you’re tired that day wrapped around my waist but if you felt creative that day, you could put them wherever you please. And then we would talk about our day, what we did, whatever’s on our mind.
I might occasionally decide to teach you a few steps on how to tango some nights and we would dance in the middle of the empty street until a car came by in which case we quickly separate and pretend we weren’t doing anything stupid.
I would also kiss you of course…on top of other things.

 

What’s the average number of times people feel this way in a lifetime Nicole?  I should’ve told you. Made sure you knew you were fantastic…but it’s a little too late at this point, I wouldn’t want you to see me in this condition.

 

My one and only regret is that I kept saying to myself I would tell you tomorrow for sure.  But I definitely wont make the same mistake twice Nicole, so I smile now with hope and optimism and say…in my next life.

Yours always,
Andrew

 

 

 

 

N.O 137, ~ December

 

 

 

– This will be the final log taking place 130 years after 2012 when the
earth has fallen under one collective government thus bringing us into the New Order.
I am the one that collected/translated the 2 journal entries.  Out of the thousands I have managed to obtain, these 3 including my own is the most significant for you.

– I live in a time of control.
Towns are now numbers, people are now bar-codes.
They are embedded with chips, these chips check you in every place you go in order for them to keep track of you.  We have been under martial law for 137 years.

– I am what you would refer to as a time traveler.  Many of us have the ability to travel back to the past using the technology of today to an extent…but this is irrelevant to what I am trying to get across.
To be brief, time traveling does nothing. Even with the ability to alter minor things in the past… I am merely a person in the orchestra playing the flute,  not the conductor.  Time is the composer of this symphony and it will always play out the way it was originally written.
– Fate is real.
– For example, the “mosquito theory” is quite preposterous and was the subject of popular belief in the past.
Stepping on a mosquito in the past does not send the present into a civilization inhabited by gorillas whereas…
saving a boy ill from cancer with medicine from the future will only kill the girl he tried his best to get better for. They were not allowed to be together by destiny since the beginning of time for reasons unknown and for reasons I’m tired of guessing at.

-They weren’t  meant to be.

– Another example “An alcoholic will say he isn’t an alcoholic therefor he will always be an alcoholic.” <— Correction, he never had a choice.

– The people you meet in this life will be the same in your next life. Reincarnation.
Your appearance, the setting, the place, yes that changes but you will be in the same prison.  Your destiny is predetermined. The wheel of fate governs what a person has and what a person becomes.
– A theory of what happens when something manages to elude fate is that a split tangent universe is formed causing the original to destroy itself but that is just a theory.  Think of the term “recycling”. Fate will run its course. Nothing changes and nothing will ever change. Why? Don’t ask me, I’m just a time traveler.

 

“Fish in the sea cannot see the birds flying high.”
– I will never have her. I have come to accept that in this life but I wonder how the others in the past have followed through.
There were many trials, in some I have changed how she felt about me through time spent together, objects of obstruction being removed,
the times we were together always felt right, our romance transcended what they say cannot happen between man and machine.  But I cannot ever counter the backlash of events thrown at me in time.
It is too much to handle, I can recall events where: she gets hacked into and tries to kill me, she gets yellow light of death and short-charges, meteorites hit our town and obliterates her, a man versus robot war breaks out and she is quarantined by the government, etc.
There were flashes of what we could have been and I cherish being able to see what we were in other lifetimes, but I wont make the same mistake wasting my life on you.  It was never in the cards for them…nor us.

– Am I wiser than my predecessors for creating my own path, or am I just quitting the way destiny has written it?

– I’m sorry I failed you R. Nikola. I really did try my best.

 

 

– I have compiled and recorded these logs for the next contestant in line for this game of theirs.
There were many versions of myself or should I now say “you” so again I’ve chosen the ones I thought were of most importance.

– What you really desire and what feels right are mutually exclusive and what you have is what the universe allows.  Don’t waste your life trying to change that.

But I know you will.

– A.

 

Chris Strife, 2011

christson@hotmail.com

urpenpal.wordpress.com

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